Scanxiety

My dad has lung cancer. Every 3 months he gets a scan, sometimes more often if there is something specific they need to check out, or if they are checking to see if a new treatment is working. Starting 7-10 days before the scan, I start to come down with what I call "scanxiety". There's a dull sense of dread in the background for the first few days of it, as I go about my normal life. Then, usually starting 3-4 days before the scan, I have cold symptoms as the anxiety gets worse. I truly believe that I worry myself sick. (this time I happen to have a full-blown cold that my son has too, so I think that it's not scan-related.) I get achy and congested and my throat gets scratchy. The day before the scan, a weird calm sets in. The morning of the scan, the cold fear sets in. Especially right after the scan..because then I think "What's done is done, whatever is going on in there is now tangible on films and papers and can't be changed." The hour or so before we get the results is just dreadful. I can't concentrate, I'm jittery, spaced out...

Ugh.

With all that said..today is scan day. At 7am this morning my dad had a CT scan, from his eyes to his thighs, so we can see if his new chemo cocktail (I hate that phrase so much, why do I use it? I need to think of something different.) is working to keep his cancer stable. I have already gone over the worst case scenarios in my head, researched them all, and come up with a plan for each of them, like I do every time.

About three hours till results. Fingers and toes crossed for good news.