Saturday, November 27, 2010

I Am Not A Baker.

Today I thought I'd bake some cookies. Seemed like a domestic-y, Christmas-y thing to do. I found a recipe, put the baby down for a nap, and got started.

Disaster.

I don't even know why I tried. I have never had a 100% successful baking experience. I don't particularly like to bake. I don't even particularly like to eat baked goods.

The first thing I did was soften the butter. Because I didn't pre-soften it. Because why would I think ahead? So I stuck it in the microwave for 20 seconds. Except part of the wrapper was still on the butter and started smoking in the microwave. No big deal, I just picked out the charred paper from the softened butter and moved on. Next I had to pulverize some almonds in the food processer. Actually, it called for pulverized blanched almonds but I don't know what blanched is so I just skipped that part. Doesn't that have something to do with cold water? Why would you do that?? So anyway, I just pulverized regular old un-blanched almonds. That went well except for the cover of the food processor flew off because it's broken and I wasn't holding it down correctly, so a good portion of the pulverized un-blanched almonds are on my kitchen ceiling. As the almond particles rained down on me, I mixed the ingredients.  The next instructions were "beat on high." Um, high what? High energy? I don't have a standing mixer. I don't have an electric hand mixer. I don't even have one of those old-fashioned manual beaters that the cavemen used. So, I did the next best thing. Which is just stir as fast as I possibly could. Which was great until I misjudged my impressive beating speed and the bowl flew out of my hand and skidded across the kitchen floor in slow motion. I only lost a few splatter's worth of dough, miraculously. Then I added the vanilla extract that we've owned since like 1967, and......oops, didn't preheat the oven. While I was waiting for the oven to heat up, I cleaned up the kitchen floor....not only was it spattered with cookie dough, but it was covered in flour, and dog footprints in the flour. (turns out dogs come running when you slide a bowl of cookie dough across the floor.) I put the cookies in the oven and combed cookie dough out of my hair. It was about then that I realized I had no idea what time the cookies went into the oven. So I guessed. I took them out when they looked done-ish. Then it was time to prepare the "Browned Butter Glaze." To make a long story short, I burned the butter, twice, spilled the powdered sugar all over the kitchen sink, and dumped in too much vanilla. (the measuring spoons had since fallen victim to the dog-skating-across-the-floured-kitchen-floor-fiasco.) On the third try, the glaze looked OK, so I carefully drizzled it on the cooled cookies. Except I forgot they were at an angle, so the glaze just fell off into a giant puddle on the plate.

At that point I sat down on the kitchen floor, ate the glaze-pile with a spoon, and washed it down with a few shots of vodka.

Never again.

Housework

I'm sitting here thinking about how I should be folding clothes and putting them away. I actually like doing laundry and folding clothes...it's the putting them away that I hate. I really hate it.

So that got me thinking about housework. I keep thinking about getting a housecleaner twice a month, but then I realized, it's not the stuff that a housekeeper does that I hate doing. I actually don't mind most of it...cleaning tubs and toilets, sweeping and mopping, vacuuming....I'm fine with doing all that stuff. It's the stuff you have to do BEFORE the housecleaner comes that I hate. Sorting through junk mail and random piles of paper, getting rid of towering piles of clothes, removing piles of clutter so that the tables and counters can be cleaned, picking up baby toys so that the floor can be vacuumed, keeping the dishes under control so that the sink can be cleaned...that's the crap I hate. I wish I could hire someone to come every 2 weeks to remove all my clutter, and then I can do the rest myself!

I want one of those Shark floor cleaners. I may need to invest in that this year. I also wish there was an easier way to vacuum stairs. God, I hate vacuuming stairs. It needs to be done in my house often, though, with the dog hair all over the place and a baby that just learned to climb stairs. I have a canister vacuum and also a small handheld vacuum, but it's still just a pain in the butt! Probably because we have 4 flights of stairs...it's like a neverending chore.

Anyway, the whole point of this post.....soon I will be reviewing cleaning products. Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Give Thanks

This morning, I came downstairs with my 11 month old son, stuck him in his high chair with his breakfast, and I turned on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The first thing he saw was a big Christmas ornament and he squealed, clapped his hands, bounced up and down, looked and me like we shared a special secret, and said "BALL!!!" And I was immediately teary-eyed, because getting up and watching the parade is one of my favorite memories of my childhood, and it looks like he'll be the same way. And also because I seem to be somewhat hormonal these last few days....yesterday I cried during one of those "What's Your Grand Casino Story?" commercials. Although, can you blame me? Betty won! She WON! Anyway, so I just said "Look! Snoopy's coming!!" and he looked at the screen and smiled with his whole face...the smile where his eyes scrunch into little slits and his nose scrunches up and I can see all 8 of his teeth. I love the parade. I love that my son apparently does too.

I thought it would be fitting to make a list of other things I'm thankful for.

MY PARENTS - I somehow ended up with the best parents in the whole world. They are smart, wise, funny, easygoing, and fun. They are among my closest friends, and I love hanging out with them. They have blessed me with so many wonderful memories of the best childhood ever, and I can only hope to be half as good of a parent as they both were.

MY BROTHER, SIL, AND NIECES - I have three nieces, aged 2, 5, and 6. They absolutely delight me. They call me "Noonie"..when the oldest was around 6 months old, I started making this funny noise that made her laugh every time. The noise was, you guessed it, "Noonie noonie noooooo"...well, after a time, she just started associating "noonie" with me, and that's what she called me. It stuck. The oldest likes planes and cars and racing, the middle one is all about princesses and ponies and castles, and the youngest is an Elmo fanatic. All three of them are stunningly beautiful and so smart. My younger brother is my only sibling and he's pretty awesome. He is a soldier...a new soldier...he just graduated basic training and job training this past summer. His new Army career meant the whole family had to move to Atlanta. It totally sucks a million ways not to have them around anymore, but they are really happy there and for that I am thankful. And thanks to instant messaging and email, we chat every day. My sister in law is an incredibly talented photographer. Her newborn portraits are unlike anything I've ever seen. She's always there when I have questions about raising kids, and also to have serious discussions about the most recent episode of "Teen Mom" or "16 and Pregnant."

MY BOYFRIEND - this last year has been a little tough on us, dealing with being parents for the first time..but I know we'll be fine. He's pretty great. I've known him for 16 years, we've been together for about 5. Once he hid a pair of peridot (my birthstone) earrings for me to find in the Christmas tree. Speaking of Christmas trees, every year he hauls us out to a chop-your-own-tree lot, chops down the tree of my choice, and hauls it home. I'm sure he'd rather buy a fake one and be done with it. But he knows how much I love it, so he enthusiatically participates. He's a wonderful father, he's hilarious, he's smart, and we have so much fun together.

MY JOB - I mean, let's face it, not everyone has one. Since I've been back from maternity leave in March, I've been able to work from home for most of my work-week. I only go to the office once a week, on Mondays. This has afforded me countless flexibilities...I can transport my son to and from his various daycare houses (more on that in a minute) more easily, I can get errands around my town done on my lunch break, I find I have more productivity at home, I don't ever have to get dressed.....the benefits go on and on. Speaking of benefits, I'm thankful for those too. My son and I get pretty good health insurance through my job.

THE PEOPLE THAT WATCH MY SON - as far as daycare goes, we lucked out bigtime. We both work full time. I work four ten hour days, so I have every Friday off. Mondays, my son goes to my best friend's (Wife) mom's house. She watches him for free and I could not be more appreciative. Tuesdays and Thursdays are alternated by my parents and my boyfriend's parents. And on Wednesdays, he goes to my awesome cousin Kari's house, which is great because she has two kids of her own and it's cool that my son gets to hang out with his second cousins once a week. This daycare situation may not last forever, but I sure am thankful that we have it now.

REALITY TV - Was there really life before reality TV? What on earth did we watch? The news?? I just can't imagine. How were we entertained, before people were fired from Donald Trump's fake company, asked to take off their Hell's Kitchen jacket, not given a rose, asked to leave the island....reality TV brings rejection to a whole new level and I love it. What would we do without Speidi, or Tila Tequila, or heaven forbid, the cast of Jersey Shore? Was there really a time when I didn't know what the Kardashian sisters were doing on a daily basis? Was there really a time when I didn't even know who the Kardashian sisters WERE?? Unbelievable.

MINNESOTA WEATHER - I love the four seasons. I love having a hot summer, a mild spring, a beautiful autumn, and a cold snowy winter. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

THE FACT THAT COSMETIC SURGERY EXISTS - Someday, some wonderful day, I will fix these boobs that pregnancy absolutely destroyed. And life will be good.

CASINOS - Some people spend their money on shoes, or travel, or they put in in a savings account. (I know, weird.) I take mine to the casino. Judge all you want, Judgey McJudgerface, but that's what relaxes me. There is nothing like sitting in front of a 2 cent slot machine, inserting a fresh crisp 20 dollar bill, and methodically hitting the "spin again" button, letting your mind wander while you await a bonus screen.

MODERN MEDICAL MEDICINE - without it, my dad would be dead. Hell, a lot of people I know would be dead. It is absolutely amazing what they can do these days to keep cancer at bay, keep a damaged heart pumping, lower blood pressure levels, stop internal bleeding, the list goes on and on. I just read the other day that it's possible the first person to live to 150 has already been born. CRAZY.

MY FRIENDS - I don't have tons and tons of friends. I have a handful. Those friends, though, were carefully chosen. And they will always be my friends. My friends are all different from each other, to the point where none of my friends are really friends with my other friends. That's OK, though. Special shout out to my friend D....I met her on the internet almost 7 years ago...we've never once met in real life, yet we talk every single day and know everything about each other. Thank you, internet!

MY WIFE - She gets her own category, since she's more than a friend. She's my other half. We always know what the other is thinking. When my water broke at 3:30am, I texted her immediately.Turns out she was already up, with a feeling that something was going on. When she was wheeled into her emergency C-section at 1:45am, I woke up with a feeling, and texted her to make sure everything was OK.

BUFFETS - I can eat all I want? I can come back and get more? Yes, please.

I hope all of you have a happy, safe, blessed Thanksgiving. Taking words of wisdom from my dad....don't take it for granted,. Talk to your parents if you still have them. Hang out with the kids. Take pictures. Share stories. Eat lots of turkey. Take a nap.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

HOLIDAY CARDS

In years past, I have made my own holiday cards. This year, however, it's just not going to happen. I have an almost-one-year-old and I've been busy planning his 1st birthday party and making and sending invitations out for that...I just don't have time to do the Christmas cards too this year! Also, I'm pretty lazy. I'd much rather watch "Sarah Palin's Alaska" while catching up on Facebook.

Luckily, there's Shutterfly. I have a cousin that sends out cards from Shutterfly every year, and they are just gorgeous. They always stay up on my refrigerator a little longer than everyone else's! I love that you can customize them with a family picture, and they have so many designs to choose from.

http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards?lid=xmascards&lpos=cscat_marq

It's super easy to get a free account, and upload the picture you want to use. The site is easy to navigate. Then you choose your design, and decide what you want the card to say, and you're all done! Shutterfly does the rest. The cards are priced fairly and are shipped quickly.

In addition to cards, you can have calendars made...what a great gift idea!

http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars

I am going to get started on making my cards...I like to get them mailed out by December 5th. I think these two are my favorite designs..



Sunday, November 14, 2010

CHRISTMAS!!

It's November 14th and I'm listening to Christmas music. Traditionally I wait until the day after Thanksgiving, that was always the rule growing up, and it was fun to count down the days till Christmas music. (yes, my family is nuts about Christmas.) I'm changing the rules this year. If there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that it's important to live in the moment. I now fully believe that I should do what I want, when I want. Lives end, traditions change, loved ones move away..things can change so fast. So, if I want to start celebrating Christmas on November 13th, then goddamn it, that's what I'm going to do.

We had a big snow yesterday. Six inches of heavy, wet, white stuff. I love it. It looks beautiful outside. The trees are covered in white, everything is still fresh and fluffy...yes, it was annoying to have to move the cars yesterday for the snow plows, and my new boots got soaked and probably ruined, and it's cold, and I need new mittens, and I spent half an hour scraping snow off the car...but last night around 9pm as I was walking down my street to get the vehicle that I had to move for the plow...it was all worth it. It was quiet, and you could literally hear the snow falling off the trees. My feet crunched into the snow as I walked. The reflection of the streetlights glowed on the freshly fallen snow. The air was cold, fresh, and crisp. Everything just seemed at peace. I love the first snow.

So, I'm going overboard this year. It's Christmas To The Max for me. I'm going to listen to Christmas music every day. I'm going to put Christmas lights on my deck even though no one but me will see them. I'm going to buy an Advent calendar and eat the shitty chocolate every morning. I'm going to buy too many gifts and spend too much money on them, and worry about the ramifications later. I'm going to buy Christmas coloring books and see how my 1 year old does with coloring. I'm going to take him to every cheesy "Holiday Open House" I can find, and go on a sleigh ride and watch Christmas trees be lit up and drink hot chocolate in the cold. I'm going to help my grandpa decorate his tree and then I'm going to decorate mine and I'm going to spend money on pretty ornaments that I don't really need. I'm going to carry on the tradition of my grandparents and drive my son around looking at Christmas lights before a stop at Dairy Queen to top off the night. I'm going to buy Christmas socks and Christmas pajama pants. I'm going to buy my son a nativity set even though he's too young to understand. I'm going to bake cookies and I'm going to take pictures every day of various Christmas scenes in town. I'm going to play Santa on Christmas morning and introduce my son to the magic. I'm going to visit my grandparents and hang out with my parents and buy tons of tacky decorations at the dollar store.

You never know what the next year is going to bring. I'm lucky to have such a great family and such close friends, so this holiday season I'm doing it up.

Bring on the Amy Grant Christmas carols!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

JASMERE

Do you guys know about Jasmere?

http://www.jasmere.com/

Every day, there is a new sale. It could be anything from gourmet popcorn to tote bags to kid's clothes....so many different things. The sales begin at noon each weekday and go until noon the next day. Prices always start at at least 50% off the retail price. The cool thing is, the more people that buy the deal, the lower the price goes. So, say the website is selling a voucher to a site that sells tote bags. The sale starts with selling a $30 voucher for $15. You buy it. But at the end of the sale, enough people have jumped on the deal, and the price is lowered to $12. Your credit card won't be charged until the end of the sale, and you'll be charged the $12, and then you get to go spend $30 at the tote bag site. Awesome, right? This is a great way to get some holiday shopping done!

Yu can sign up to have the daily sales emailed right to you. There is also a Jasmere Facebook page, and they give away a prize every day.

Go sign up! Go! Right now! Do it!

Friday, November 5, 2010

FREE STUFF!!!

I love free stuff. I'm a sucker for free samples, rebates, mail-in offers. This morning I scored two great freebies.

1. Every Friday through November, you can go to Burger King up until 10:30am and get a free 12 oz Seattle's Best Coffee. I did this morning...no purchase necessary.

2. Today only, if you go to the Gap and "check in" on Facebook while you're in the store, you get a free pair of 1969 jeans! Apparently there is a limited number available at every store, and after they are gone you get a coupon for 40% off any regular priced iteam. I got there 15 minutes after they opened and I scored a pair of jeans! They were priced at $69.50. What a score!!

Too Long!

It's been too long since I've posted...this has been a very eventful and busy week!

WIFE HAD HER BABY!!!  Little H was born on November 2nd and she's doing well. Wife is pleased that she didn't give birth to an Uggo. And she sure didn't. H is just simply beautiful.


So cute! I'm excited for H and my son D to grow up together. We've got 18 years (at least) of torturing and embarrassing them ahead of us!

I have also just been informed that my friend Robyn had her baby yesterday evening,....also a little H, but a boy H.

Other than that, this week has been all about my son recovering from pneumonia. He's doing much better. He had a head to toe rash from the amoxicillin, but that's gone now. He had 4 nights of rough sleep....he was so congested and coughing so much  it was hard for him to stay asleep for long. We elevated the crib mattress, spent a lot of time in a steamed-up bathroom, suctioned out his nose every few hours, gave him Motrin for his little sinus pains, and read lots of books and spent endless hours in the rocking chair. Our hard work paid off, other than a runny nose he seems to be back in the world of health. Four more days of antibiotics then we can put this stupid pneumonia experience behind us. We had a pretty good run, he went the first 11 months of his life without being sick.

I also went to a resale store this past week. Plato's Closet. I know it's a chain but I'm not sure how much of the country has it, so I'll explain. They buy your old clothes. The end. It's pretty hit or miss. About a month ago I brought in a grocery bag of clothes and they took most of them and paid me $38. This time I had a garbage bag of clothes and they only bought 2 pieces for $14 total. While I was waiting for them to price my items, I did some browsing. I got a pair of GAP jeans, a mustard yellow fake leather bag, an oversized green V-neck tunic sweater, and a green flutter-sleeve T-shirt. I used my $14 for store credit and only had to pay $14 out of pocket. I have been wearing the sweater with a white V-neck T-shirt, Target skinny jeans, and fake Ugg-style black boots.

My plans for today include heading to the GAP for a possible freebie I heard about, hitting the craft store for 1st Birthday Party invitation materials, and dropping off some bags at the Goodwill.

Have a good day!